Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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