He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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