somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize