barbara walters just said penis...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
