Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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