If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I want her autograph on my taint
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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