I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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