You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
