It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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