So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
