How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
