Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
