I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
