Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
