You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
