new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
