so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
