my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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