YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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