Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
