Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
