i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
