a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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