This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Randomize
