Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
