I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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