Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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