there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
