You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
