She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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