Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
