You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Randomize