I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
