I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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