No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My bed smells like the plague
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
