Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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