First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
