One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
