so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
