Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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