And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize