K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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