I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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