I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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