Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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