Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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