Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
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Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize