He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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