its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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