last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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