I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
