I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
