I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
