You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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