Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
