I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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