I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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