Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
