It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
