And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
