I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
