You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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