that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My ass is underappreciated
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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