don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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