Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
did you just send me my own nude
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
