Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
