We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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