I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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