So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
