I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
