well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
