Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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