Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
