She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize