I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
