hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
