he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
