Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
