What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
